My dad asked me what I wanted for my 23rd birthday, so I said Audrey Bitoni -- the porn star. I never thought he'd take me seriously, but here I am in a hotel suite, waiting for Audrey Bitioni -- the porn star. Paid for to spend some time with me and get my rocks off. Big tits and all. I'm nervous as hell, but my dick is hard and I'm ready to party. I want her to suck it, fuck it, tug it -- anything and everything; shit, she's the pro from dover, she knows all the tricks. Fuck. I can't wait for this happy ending to a happy motherfucking birthday. Thanks, Pop.